I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
