i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
