Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Farmville is her only friend.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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