guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
