then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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