May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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