I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
