Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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