did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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