god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
