I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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