I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
