I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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