It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
whose parrot is this?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
