I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize