Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She is in my trunk
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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