Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need to calm my uterus...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
