I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
