dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
