Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
