I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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