I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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