he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
