I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
