I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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