I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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