the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
