I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How's work?
Spinning.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
