I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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