The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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