She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just pee around me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
