So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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