I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There r osticjed everywhere
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
