Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize
