You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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