He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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