I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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