I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My brain says no but my pants say off.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
