So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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