4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
