I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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