so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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