all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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