At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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