She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
