Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
