Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
