why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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