Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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