Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
