Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
