He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
