When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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