My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
