I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
