dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
