I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
