Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize