i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
