I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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