i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
