Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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