You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
